Weekend Update

It was a weekend. I have some updates. Try as I might, I can't put a whole lot of positive spin on it. I got out early Friday, which was a beautiful day here. Indi and I sat outside for a couple of hours, just soaking up the fresh air and sunshine. I'm happy to say that's why these pictures are washed out. That and the fact that I was too lazy to go in and get the real camera so I used my cell phone.

















She still loves her some sticks. More fell over the winter and so she gathered them all around her. A girl needs some choices. As you can see, the grass isn't what you can call green yet, but it's at least hinting at it.

Saturday I fussed with some baking for church. I made mini carrot cupcakes and further fussed with making little marzipan carrots for the tops. I should've put something down for scale, but just remember these are the mini muffin tins, so the carrots are about an inch long. Martha Stewart gets me into a lotta trouble sometimes.




















Before I started, though, Indi and I were back outside for a couple hours, each showing our unified support.



















































Saturday night, I watched the Final Four and got just plain depressed. We - okay they - played like crap in the 2nd half but it was still hard to watch. I can't tell you how much the entire community gets into this whole experience, it's huge on every level.

Sunday morning I went to church and had a great time. The energy was amazing, the music was rockin (seriously, our church's band will blow your socks off some days) and I left feeling uplifted and at peace.

Of course I can't seem to maintain that sensibility so by late last night, I was in a funk. This is mostly because Chris and I are struggling. I'll just leave it at that because really, I think that everyone struggles sometimes. But I say that because I'm being honest and that's what is going on. When he and I are out of sync, nothing else feels balanced either and I hate it. The fact that he is on afternoons indefinitely only serves to make it harder since I don't see him during the week.

Anyway.

I feel really misunderstood on a lot of levels lately and it's making me weary. E-mails between other family members about nothing even all that important have left me clarifying and reclarifying and going back to read and reread what I said and still I'm left scratching my head and wondering how I seem to be saying one thing and others are hearing or translating it into another. It isn't that I don't see the possibility of my being (*gasp*) wrong, but seriously, it's about the smallest of things and it's still all screwed up.

I just don't know how it all seems to get so complicated.

I'm working on my 'tude here, I swear I am. And sometimes I think it gets a little easier as the week starts again and I go back to being solo. I dunno if that's good or bad, and I'm trying not to judge it.

Tonight is bound to get easier as I've slid into a regular volunteer experience that I love. Monday evenings I serve dinner at a women & children's shelter. These are women who are homeless, many jobless, and with small children. The dose of reality I get when I spend time there is the slap in my spoiled self's face that I need. And no, that isn't why I do it, it's just one of the things I see myself taking away each week. These women often have nothing more than what could fit into a couple of plastic grocery bags and yet they are there, taking care of their children, learning job skills, and trying to get to a place of safety and self reliance. I am humbled by their strength and joy and dedication to create a better life for themselves and their children, regardless of the hand they've been dealt.

And suddenly, my weariness seems a lot less important.