Quatro de Mayo

The last time I posted was 4/5 and now it's 5/4?! How does that happen?

Work has been nighmarishly busy. To the point where I'm finding that I am looking for patience with my boss. That never happens. Seriously, I just rarely get ticked at him but I'm finding that lately I just cringe when something comes up. I know it's totally me, but it scares me because work is the one constant that I've always been able to deal with. There are good days and bad, but overall, it's a safe place where I can function and feel productive. Not exactly a rip roaring testament to living one's dream there, is it? Uh yeah, more on that another time. I've had this nagging feeling about that for longer than I care to admit and I keep swatting it away but the buzzing is growing louder.

Right now I'm trying to maintain. My sanity and my peace, mostly.

My best friend Pam has moved back downstate and is back to being about an hour away from me. She is going through so much right now, and it's hard to see her in such a difficult space. Hills and valleys, I know, but her valleys are dark and scary for her now and it's hard to see that.

Chris and I are bridging the gap in some ways and the small signs of it feel reassuring in ways I had forgotten about. Maybe not forgotten, but hadn't experienced in a while. I am trying very hard to stay in the Now because my brain wants to look ahead at how much other stuff there is to get through and it takes away from the Now Moments. It feels like I really need to focus on those right now. To that end, we are going away for Memorial Day weekend (last weekend of May for my Canuck friends) and we never ever go away on the holidays. I can't stand the traffic and I'd rather just be home. But this is an opportunity to get away for free (another "wooing" perk I get through work) and I just can't pass it up. To be honest, without this we'd never be able to do it, we just don't have the money right now.

There's also an overnight trip to Chicago to see the inlaws coming up but I'm in total denial over that right now and am planning on recharging some batteries first a couple weeks before that, in order to deal with the whole thing.

A year ago right now, I was in a Two Week Wait. Even that phrase seems like a foreign language, and so incredibly far away. It was to be my last and if you recall, I went out in a blaze of melodramatic glory by proving that the last IUI failed when I started my period on Mother's Day. HA! That still kills me, universe. Good one! And no, I'm not still bitter at all, thanks for asking.

Ahhh yes, she still has the crazy in her.

I'm just looking to get through this weekend and I'm not sure what that's going to look like. I'd say there's a good chance it'll include wine and chocolate but seriously, this particular mode o' funk is immune to those. Scary, huh?

I feel such an urge to get all sappy here at the end so I'll make a quick getaway before I

I love and miss you guys!

Ooooh, and I was so close.